Guest Blog: The Honest Toddler’s Guide to Children’s Literature
We love books. Period. And we really, really love Honest Toddler.
Books are wonderful entertainment, gum, and weapons. Many parents read whole stories and don’t skip pages, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. When you’re done texting, take a moment to learn about toddler favorites.
Don’t be confused by the title. This book is about taking—more specifically, taking everything you can and then taking a bit more just to be safe.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?: REGRET
If the idea of animals sharing what’s in their direct line of vision is exciting to you, you’ll love this book. Whoever wrote it was out of ideas and knew nothing about wildlife. I’d be lying if I said this book didn’t make me angry.
This story has a simple lesson: Babysitters can’t be trusted. When a mother chooses errands over her two small children, a caregiver with no references ransacks their home and invites over his shady friends. I was too scared to finish this book.
Have you ever met a fool face-to-face? You’re about to. In this hilarious tale, a baby bird traces his roots all the way to a dog and a truck. I know. It really says something that the mother bird never came looking for him.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar: REGRET
This is a very sad story, so don’t read it at night or if you’re alone. The moral of the story is to not eat people food unless you’re a people. Should go without saying. Enjoy the lifelike photos in this horrible tale. The book will melt if you give it a bath, so keep your receipt.
A heartwarming tale about a kid (tragically named Sal) and her mother, who are forced to steal fruit from nature. Like all gifted children, Sal cannot control her behavior and almost gets killed by bears. This does not change how Santa feels about Sal, because forgiveness is the key.
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: REGRET
Ever wonder what happens when you don’t set limits for rodents? I didn’t, either, until I heard this story. Now I have another irrational fear. Thanks for that.
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