Ode to My 2-Year Old

If you have a toddler, or hang out with people that like to coat their faces in guacamole… this is for you.

Aren’t shoes optional?

There once was a time when you snoozed serenely in a swing.
You didn’t have the hand-eye coordination to ransack anything.

Now you’re two — so chatty, spunky, and funny,
You’ve got lots of opinions and a nose that’s always runny.

You can laugh and then cry in the blink of an eye,
Because I said, “mommy’s phone is sleeping!” (you were onto my lie).

How many times have we told you not to stand on the couch?
And please stop putting lint from the carpet in your mouth.

I commend your effort for trying to put on your shoes, shirt, and pants,
But if we don’t get this show on the road, sister… we’ll miss music class.

Remember how much fun we had at Tots and Tykes Yoga?
Then you found the fire alarm and soon it was over.

Food is meant to be eaten, in case you didn’t know,
Giving yourself a guacamole facial, again? I said N.O.

You talkin’ to me?

Last night I had the audacity to serve something green on your plate,
You looked at me, puzzled. Ketchup by the spoonful was the only thing you ate.

You could live on hummus, crackers, and cheese,
Or whatever I’m eating, as long as you say “please.”

Now that you talk, you sure have plenty to say:
“No pigtail, mommy!” “Oh my gosh,” and “no way!”

You don’t seriously think you’re getting these back, mom…

Honestly, what’s really so bad about wearing a hat?
And since when did you get so particular about our bath mat?

Hurling your sippy cup down the stairs is getting kinda old,
Quite frankly, your antics are becoming a bit too bold.

Buckling you into the stroller is a battle that’s very hard to win,
One time daddy bribed you with bacon. (Yep, we’ll try that again.)

Nice knowing ya, living room… the toy takeover is hard to handle,
And I swear all the creepy dolls look at me when I watch Scandal.

Give me all of the snacks.

You’re a busy little bee, always moving, running, jumping and more,
What’s that sound? Oh, it’s daddy snoring. He’s out cold on the floor.

Between bathing and books, bedtime negotiations last all night,
But when you snuggle up and say, “I love you,” the world is just right.

This Sandra Boynton gal must be raking in serious dough,
Goodnight hippos and Little Pookie… hello glass of vino.

It’s not always chaos; being two is a wondrous thing,
Only you can get your rhythm challenged dad to dance and sing.

You’re the only person I would let sneeze in my hand,
There’s simply no one else like you in all of the land.

You’re truly a gem, so smart and so sweet,
Now, put on your jammies… it’s time to go to sleep!

Jess is our weeLove editor and (reluctant) guacamole removal specialist. For more on navigating motherhood, diaper change negotiations, and finding the confidence to sing The Wheels on the Bus, all through the town, check out her blog: The Savvy Mrs.